I haven’t posted since July. I’d been hoping to get more work done in the garden before I posted again, but that hasn’t happened. I didn’t plan to post about the election, but now I feel like I have to.
The AP just called it; the next president of the United States will be Donald Trump.
I was in college when Obama was first elected. So many of us were ecstatic, running around campus in the middle of the night yelling and chanting and celebrating. It felt like being part of history, part of a change for the better. I was eighteen and I’d voted for the first time and it was way too cold to be outside without a jacket, but I was too full of victory to care.
I feel like I’m part of history again now. Am I always going to remember watching old Batman cartoons to try to distract myself from the results coming in, and the shock and horror I felt at the final result?
I hope so, and I’m writing in down here in case I forget. I need to remember watching everyone I care about sinking into despair. People are doing their best to fight through it and help one another, sharing links to suicide hotlines and making plans to stay insured or to take advantage of it while they can, sharing affection and compassion and terror through hugs and through facebook posts.
When I last posted, I was close to the bottom of a slow downward spiral of depression that ended in hospitalization. I’m out of it now, but for a while, I was rigorously practicing despair. Every day was a study in hopelessness. That’s not how I feel now.
I need to keep my family safe. I need to make my country better. The starting gun just went off for a marathon we were all hoping we wouldn’t need to run. The next four years will be a slog.
But I’m going to cross that finish line, and I’m going to bring everyone I can across it with me.
I’m going to cry, and then I’m going to sleep, and then I’m going to wake up and start running.